Finding the balance between the writing, the working, and the actual enjoyment of my life (as per previous posts) has always been tricky for me. Usually, I’ll chip away on my post-its until I throw in the towel for the day or procrastinate on my tasks with any number of television shows or games that are in my backlog that I’m currently trying to catch up on.
One of my main hobbies that I’ve fallen behind on has been reading. I love to read, I love to experience stories and broaden my horizons. And yet, if you check my reads monthly post, it’s one where I barely can squeak out one or two books with everything going on.
I mean, I was so far behind in my contemporary X-men backlog, that I haven’t touched a single floppy since the Hickman Inferno event. And that came out almost two years ago in 2021. It’s always funny reading older comics. Sometimes they can be like time capsules, with their ads and current trends that were long out of date.
But the 2021 X-men comics weren’t like that per say, I was just behind. I wasn’t reading, but I was still buying. I didn’t have the time or discipline to stop buying, nor did I have the discipline to actually start reading. And so my collection grew.
And in a lot of ways, my struggle with discipline is a constant battle. Currently, I don’t have the discipline to get up at 6:00 am like I want to and often wake up at 7:00 am. I don’t have the discipline to read all the books I want to read, but I continuously keep buying things that only increases my backlog.
It’s a constant battle, this fight with discipline and it’s one I’m struggling to find myself in. The more insecure part of myself wonders at my failures. Am I truly as weak as my actions show? Can I really not cut my phone out of my life enough to materially benefit from its absence? Can I really not get up at 6, no matter how hard I try? Or am I not trying hard enough?
Through my writing journey, I come face to face with my own insufficiencies. I can’t hide from it. It’s right there. Even now, I’m writing a blog post because I woke up too late to draft my 1000 words this morning.
And ultimately, I don’t know what the solution is. I don’t know what the future holds. The only thing I do know, is that I know where the mark is. Even if I don’t want to admit it, I know the level of commitment needed to achieve my goals and it's simple. It’s as simple as doing the things I set out for myself at the start of each and every month. If I keep doing that, I’ll get to where I’m going.
But to get there, I’m going to have to defeat my own bad habits. While I’m not a published author yet, I have been doing this for long enough to recognize how much further I could have been on my own journey had I met all my goals that I’ve set out for myself over the last several years. And even though I didn’t meet those goals, even though there’s nothing I can do to ‘catch up’ to all the progress opportunities I’ve let pass me by, I can do my tasks now. I can keep chipping away.
And as long as I keep moving forward, eventually, I’ll get to where I’m going.
Thank you all for your time and I hope you are all having a nice day!
Sincerely,
Josh Acocella
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